There are victories that don't come through a finish line or a time response, but that have much more value. Look at the opening photo, taken from his Instagram profile: it portrays Leo Hayter He's competing after a year and a half, and his expression, beyond the physical effort, is that of a young man who has rediscovered his passion. Do you remember him? We had left it last August when at 22 he decided to make a clean break with his life as a rider. Suddenly closing a very advantageous contract with the Ineos Grenadiers, succumbing to what's called the "dark disease" of depression. Now he's a new man, perhaps even a new rider.
Let's rewind the tape. The London rider started to be talked about in 2021, when he collected his first international victories. Of great importance, considering he also won the Liège-Bastogne-Liège U23 championship. Then there's that last name, his brother's. Ethan increasingly prominent both as a luxury sprinter, as a finisher, and also as a pillar track cyclist of the British national team. A constant comparison, especially the following year when he proved to be one of the best prospects for stage races winning a beautiful edition of the Giro NextGen putting already very established riders like the Frenchman in check GregoireJournalists press him, they want to know everything about him, comparisons with his brother are in every interview.
Too much pressure and too little patience
In 2023 he joined Ineos Grenadiers alongside Ethan, even though the two, in terms of characteristics, have little in common.The older rider is already an established specialist in short stage races as a prized finisher and then splits his time with the track. Leo is seen as an excellent prospect for the Grand Tours, but he needs to work on it slowly. Yes, slowly, a word that isn't much appreciated in cycling today, let alone for a young rider who wants everything right away. The year ends with 30 days of racing and good indications at the Settimana Coppi e Bartali, but there his season is interrupted for 4 months and some alarm bells are already starting to ring.
The following year, he raced from January to May, but whether in Australia or Europe, he was always at the back of the pack. A pale copy of what had been seen just two years earlier. It's not a problem with his legs or his condition, it's not his body that's not responding. In June, before the British Championships, Leo announced he was putting his career on hold (note that sentence...). to cure oneself of a severe depression That has gripped him ever since he made the jump to a higher category. The team has always been there for him, but they've realized they no longer have a dedicated team because Leo hasn't been a rider for some time. It takes time, treatment, and therapy to recover. Cycling is no longer a primary factor, at least not "that" cycling.
The difficulty of getting out of bed
"I thought it was my fault," Leo says in a post on social media, which has always been a sort of logbook for him, "that I lacked motivation. My mind and body weren't in sync. I thought it would pass, but it didn't. In May 2023, I was completely stuck, unable to leave my apartment in Andorra, barely getting out of bed. The team did everything they could, subjecting me to an assessment that gave the dreaded diagnosis: depression.I took a break, started taking medication, and embarked on a long journey, much longer than any cycling competition. And harder...
«I came back at the end of the season, at the Tour of Guangxi in China, it seemed that cycling was smiling at me again, that the desire was re-emerging. The winter went well but as soon as I returned to training, the same negative perceptions and thoughts returned, the same panic, the same difficulty in getting up, in facing life.I was ashamed of not being at the level I wanted. I didn't sleep, I didn't train, I became increasingly withdrawn, isolated from the world. And I vented it with food."
The little electric shocks of anxiety
In his detailed story, Leo also explains coexistence with anxiety, something that is common to many people: that car that suddenly overtakes you, those small, very normal events that on him as on others have the effect of an electric shock that stops you for long momentsSomething difficult to tolerate in everyday life, let alone for a professional cyclist. Leo also explained in detail the causes of this condition.
«This pressure always comes from myself, an internal pressure to be the best, obsessed with perfection, which in sport is not something realistic or achievable day by day.Small setbacks are part of sports, but I can't handle them positively. When I took a step back last year, my testosterone levels increased significantly, I slept better, I was more sociable, and I didn't binge. I've never lost weight so quickly. I've always achieved good results when there's no pressure on me and I feel calm. All my biggest performances have come that way..
The slow climb towards the light
Since then, Leo has disappeared from the scene, but if you look closely, those very words contained the harbingers of the solution. The British rider has dedicated himself completely to himself, undertaking a long psychological work which seems to have given him back, first of all, the desire to race., to get back into the game without over-exerting himself. Leo has said, again on social media, that he wants to start over and to do so, he no longer wants to start from the top, but instead finds (with the help of Ineos) a continental team to resume his activity.
«It's been 426 days since I last wore a race number, but many more since I entered a competition with the desire to do so. I've been "training" for a few months and this is already a great result, the result of a lot of therapy, frequent phone calls, work on myself, a new mentality and newfound motivation.Now I'm sure I want to be a cyclist, but that's not all I am. For a long time, poor performance and physical appearance defined my self-image. I didn't want to train with my friends, much less see them, for fear they'd have the same degrading opinion of myself that I had.
15 extra kilos, but a great desire to return
Hayter has already competed in the Catalan time trial championship: «I weigh 15 kilos more than my ideal weight, and yet it was one of my best performances. (…) For the first time in a long time, I'm optimistic about the future. I want to return to professional cycling in 2025. In the meantime, I've set myself the goal of competing in the Chrono des Nations next October. I want to get on the podium, but to compete, I need to be part of a continental team. Are there any teams interested?
Whether he'll reach that podium will only be known with time, but the very fact that he's found the will to be there is a great victory and an example for those in his situation. Many cyclists have experienced this, some bordering on tragedy, others like From the mill bowing to fate. Leo fought his battle and even if it cannot be said whether he won, at least he sent out a great signal of optimism.
